


You And Me

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Episode Related, Gap Filler, Improv, Points of View, Season/Series 05, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-18
Updated: 2005-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: What exactly is going through Brian's mind in those 30 seconds, that he spends sitting in his car, watching Justin put Babylon PROP14 flyers up on that street?





	You And Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

A/N : I had so much going on inside my mind for the last 2 weeks, that I thought I was going schizo. Well, this is some of that chaos. LOL I hope it will be liked. This is ep510 gafiller, pre-Babylon bombing, 1st person Brian POV. I do plan to write another gap-filler for this eppy, that will take place AFTER the bombing of Babylon. Like Point-Counterpoint, you know? *grins* Anyway, enjoy it, and if you guyz leave some feedback on it, I would be like eternally greatful, k? :D 

Originally written for On Impulse community, and the **Improv #17** words were : ingenuity, morning, circumstances, attention, blue

* * *

**Part 1**

 

Almost like in a well-rehearsed scenario, that has played out for millions of times before, you get my undivided **attention** without even trying. Like a moth to the flame, my eyes zero in on the one person, that they longed to see for so many nights. Of course, you don’t even realize what is happening. You couldn’t. Because, I just don’t have the guts, the courage. To level with you. To claim you as mine for the entire world to see. And as hilarious as that sounds coming from me, God will be the sad witness to my cowardness. 

To all my sins.

And if I was just a half of the man that you consider me to be, I would be so much more, than I know I am now. Then and only then would I be someone worth of your affection. Of your love. 

Perhaps then, I would pick you up on my white horse and fetch you off into the unknown, sheltering us both from the rest of the world. Closing us off into some out of town manor. 

A corny fairytale imitation.

We would lay by the crackling fire, kissing like teenagers, that fell for the first time in love. We'd fuck like rabbits, loving each other like nothing I've ever really done before.

Like a blind man, I would kiss your blushing neck and desperately trail my fingertips down to your hip, making you squirm deliciously under my touch. Breathily, I'd whisper sweet nonsense in your ear. Words full of adoration and deeper meaning, and you would just laugh delightfully. 

Both of us so unbelievably… _happy_. Just for being together. 

If I was that man you want me to be, I would write love sonnets in my mind about your pale skin and pink lips. Lines of Haiku poetry would come to life on my tongue, as I paid my undying respect to your inviting dark nipples. And you'd sigh in the overwhelming pleasure, thanking the Heavens for bringing us together once more. 

Life would be so much different. Better. You would finally be so damn sure of your worth, of how much you mean to -…

But the real truth is… you have no idea. Not even an inkling of how much you really matter.

How much your smile in the gray, early **morning** makes my day better before it has even began.

Or how your **blue** eyes see straight into my soul, every time you look at me, crushing me dead with every smile, with every grin.

You really have no idea. And I have nothing but wishful thinking and a sea of regrets, for all the things I've never knew I wanted so damn much.

Ironically, the **circumstances** keep changing rapidly, making everything we build up crumble like a fucking house of cards. Like the lego cubes Gus builds and plays around with.

A study in futility.

As I watch you now, I can't but admire the **ingenuity** of this life's design. Of the unfairness of it all. And of the cruelty of putting you so close to my touch, but at the same time, making you thousand miles away. 

And I'd walk those thousand miles. Just to see you. 

_Over and over again._

Even now… my fingers ache to touch your smooth body by the warmth of the fireplace. Still, my lips burn to caress yours under the dancing moonlight. To feel the current of your love inside of me again.

Suddenly, you turn to me and the whole world falls away.

Our eyes meet, just like they always do. 

And while you keep smiling at me, I struggle to concentrate on anything but your sweet mouth, trying just to keep pushing the air in and out of my lungs. Almost convincing myself to throw all fears and reservations out the window. Just because I now finally know what all that means. Almost. 

But, I know that I can't do that yet. Maybe never will be able to.

I can't keep asking of you for something I'm too fucking afraid to ask of myself. Because, I'm still not that man. The man you see me as, probably always have.

And I really wish I was.


End file.
